Self-esteem and self-confidence
Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Epictetus said:
“People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them”
A healthy self-esteem is essential for building self-confidence, which is reflected in our vitality, strength, posture, happiness, and—most importantly—our sense of purpose in life. There is also the desire and ability to remain open and curious, fostering personal growth in connection with others. Confidence is basically self-esteem in action!
Having low self-esteem and self-confidence are two sides of the same coin. Confidence is reflected in behaviour and the way you relate to yourself and others. Confidence basically means believing in yourself and being your own best ally who can support, accommodate, motivate, and recognise when life is difficult.
Experiences of defeat, rejection or loss can leave you feeling like a failure in life. Feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-respect, self-confidence and self-esteem can take up residence in your psyche and it will feel very painful, and it can be hard to shake them off.
Experiences of defeat, rejection or loss can leave you feeling like a failure in life. Feelings of inferiority and a lack of self-respect, self-confidence and self-esteem can take up residence in your psyche and it will feel very painful, and it can be hard to shake them off.
If you have low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence, you’ll probably be familiar with feeling one or more of the following:
Signs of low self-esteem and low self-confidence
You:
- Are highly self-critical/have a negative self-image
- Focus only on weaknesses, flaws and shortcomings
- Don’t feel like you deserve to receive the love, attention and acceptance of others
- Struggle to make important decisions
- Overlook your strengths and don’t value the results you achieve
- Have too high expectations of yourself or others
- Are overly preoccupied with the fear of failure
- Lack relevant skills for different contexts
- Lack experience in a field, which makes you feel like you can’t perform
- Fear rejection from others when you show insecurity
We humans have a burning desire to constantly develop, and to be able to do this, we need to step out of our comfort zone and into the unknown. In unfamiliar or threatening situations—commonly known as threat situations—our bodies react with an adrenaline surge. This response quickens our reflexes, tenses our muscles, sharpens our focus, and increases blood flow, particularly to the large muscles in our arms and legs. This response is called ‘fight, flight or freeze’ and has been essential for human survival. However, the response hasn’t changed significantly since we lived in caves, even though life has become a bit easier to live and the fear of being eaten by wild animals has disappeared. Today, the challenges/threats we face are completely different, but our response is still the same. And if we are not aware of this, we risk developing inappropriate behaviours and thought patterns that can damage our self-image.
In the therapy
I can help you to:
- Improve your self-respect through self-compassion exercises
- Gain knowledge and learn exercises related to emotion regulation
- Feel and listen to what your body is telling you
- Strengthen your value compass to guide you in the right direction in life
- Make a clear separation between personal values, resources and goals
A course of therapy will mainly focus on boosting your self-esteem and confidence using evidence-based methods such as MSC Mindful Self-Compassion and ACT Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Traning. In addition, tools such as hypnotherapy/visualisations, body and Gestalt therapy and positive psychology can also help boost self-esteem.
